Category Archives: Thriving Autoimmune.
Glimpsing Grace. EnVISIONing my most Delightful Self.
So while I’m Thriving Autoimmune, with all of the medicine and my body devoting it’s energy to rebuilding, I’m a little limited energy wise. Though I may not always show my appreciation, I’m stroppily Surrendering to St(illness) after all, this is an incredible Gift. It has given me the Permission I so needed, to be Still. The Time to connect with My Self. And the Space to really Listen. To the Sparkle that has been patiently hiding, beneath this illness.
What do I truly Want? What are my Values? My Passions? What do I want to Create? How do I want my Life to Feel? Taste? Smell? Sound? The more I listened, the more I realised that I crave Stillness. Delight. Time and Space to Nourish My Self, Delight My Loves and Illuminate My World. Simple. Luxurious. This is my most Delicious Day. Every day I Thrive Autoimmune, I’m Glimpsing Grace. Breathing my Vision into Life.
The best part is, that I don’t need to wait to experience many of the feelings on my list. Perhaps I’m not well enough to be living with My Love, or to Surf, or ride my Bicycle, or to entertain my Luminary Loves and Dance with them in the Moonlight. But I can wake up and watch the sunrise. And practice Yoga. And Meditate. And sip tea. And savour Simply Luxurious Deliciousness (luckily I Love vegetables!). And create a cosy sanctuary, right now, while being looked after (and spoiled rotten) by my parents. I light candles. And spritz my studio with the scents of Tea Rose, Vanilla Musk and White Cherry Blossom. When I’m well enough (& the Brain Fuzz subsides) I write, and Design, and pour myself into LiveLIGHTLY. I giggle with my Luminary Loves on Google+. I go on PlayDATES. Little adventures. To watch the sunset. Sit in the grass. See the ocean. I have time to read Everything. To study Holistic Health. To Luxuriate and Pamper my poor little bod.
Most importantly I have time to say Thank you. To Savour every moment. I have my Life back. And I am so Grateful. So in front of my eclectic alter. With Prayer Beads. A Tibetan Singing Bowl. Candles. A Guitar Pick. Some stones from my travels. You know, the usually. I pray. Kissing the ground. To My Intuition (for keeping me alive). My Loves (for putting up with me and for being so gosh darn gorgeous). My Doctors (for giving me the tools to Heal). The Universe. God. Elvis. Angels. Fairies. The guys that grow my Veggies. Everyone and Everything. And mostly, to the Sparkle inside me, that never stopped Twinkling.
How does your most Delicious Day feel? Who is your most Delightful Self?
I’ve been MIA. The truth is I’ve been a little sick. I’m THRIVEing Autoimmune.
Well, I’ve been sick my whole life. But as of a fortnight ago, I know why. I’ve returned from another visit to my Wonder Doctor with spectacular news. My illness is totally fixable. I’m Thriving Autoimmune.
I’m Relieved. Scared. Grateful. Exhausted. I’m super positive. I have a tough few months ahead as we are esentialy levelling my immune system then rebuilding from scratch, with an overwhelming list to work my way through. Antibiotics. Medicines. Supplements. Herbs. Injections. Lotions. Potions . The next three months with be Decidedly Unglamorous. Fuzzy. Woozy. Sleepless. Inflamed. Fatigued. Hypersensitive to Light. Noise. Touch. Taste. Smell. My Love calls me a Crazy Honey Badger. Then I’ll slowly rebuild my strength through the year. I’m learning to be Patient (I’m lying through my teeth).
This may be a little TMI (Too Much Information).
But if I can help even one person experiencing something similar, it will all be worth it. I’ve struggled my whole life with increasingly serious symptoms of digestive distress, severe food intolerances (Gluten & FODMAPs/sugar), interstitial cystitis, pain, allergies & mental imbalances. No doctors were able to help me and I had been told that it was ‘all in my head’, some even suggesting anorexia. This is why I was so scared to open up. I thought I was Crazy. That if I didn’t look after myself, I would lose my freedom.
I now know that my food intolerances lead to severe overgrowth of potentially fatal bacteria throughout my digestive system which have lead to inflammation, Autoimmune, malabsorption and malnutrition including bone, organ and hormonal imbalances. The most important revelations are the severe overgrowth of Citrobacter Freundii, comprising 97% of bacteria in my gut, and Helicobacter Pylori in my tummy. Yukky. Both are very dangerous with the Citrobacter Freundii able to penetrate the blood brain barrier leading to Brain Fuzz, Insomnia, Mania and Anxiety. And when the bacteria dies it poisons my system, wrecking havoc.
I’m in safe hands now.
Dr Mel is so excited to fix me. I’m quite the fascinating case. House has nothing on me. Some of my more scary results were 17 to 20 standard deviations from normal (luckily I paid attention in Statistics class). What a high achiever I am. My Doctor’s Compassion. Wisdom. Sparkle. Energy. Strength. Grace. Unparalleled. I’ve never felt so safe and heard.
These past six months have been the most difficult of my life. I couldn’t continue to deny how sick I was. To Numb the Fear with Busyness. Working. Fun. Friends. Travelling. Because I was simply too sick. I could have died. I needed help. So I needed to Face my Fears. It was messy. But my Loves have been there for me every single moment. And creating LiveLIGHTLY has opened up my world. I was so nervous to be honest about my Illness here. I’ve always hidden my illness from even my closest Loves. But I’m ready to open up. Be Vulnerable. And Trust that Love Dissolves Fear. Every. Single. Time.
My Phenomenal Physio asked if I had any advice for her future clients. I wrote ‘Be open. There is no need to be embarrassed or to hide anything. You no longer need to carry around ten tonnes of shame & secrecy because of digestive or sexual ‘issues’. You are safe. None of these are you fault. Alyssa will be there beside you, empowering you to heal yourself, reconnect with your sensuality, instinct and intuition and to rediscover your Sparkle!’
I’m not sure how yet. But I’m making St(illness) Sexy.
Thank you so much for being there for me Luminous Lovely. I don’t want to Hide Out anymore. I’m going to come out and Play. Even when I’m not feeling my most Sparkly. So I can learn that I am Safe. Loved. Home. No matter what.
And some days, that means Gorgeousify-ing, even if my outing for the day is just to pop to the supermarket.
Floaty Dress + Magenta Lips + Elk Headscarf + Dark Glasses = Thriving St(illness) Glam Sick Day Adventure Survival Kit (perfect for hiding sore puffy tummies, dark eye circles, bed hair, bruises & weird yellow skin).
If you or your Loves are on a similar journey I’d be delighted to connect. Tweet me or PenPal izennahhogan@izennah.com
A LITTLE NOTE. I’m sharing my experience as an impatient ‘patient’. A Sustainable Designer, studying Holistic Health.
