So I have some Wonderful News. Incredible. Completely out-of-the-blue. Unexpectedly Overwhelming. News.
This past eight months, I’ve been fighting for my life. Always fragile, my poor body was finally shutting down. I was running out of time. But the Universe had my back, guiding me home to Darwin into the arms of my gorgeous family, and to my Wonder Doctor, just in the nick of time. I had to learn to Surrender. I did so. Stroppily. Aching to in(habit) Grace, I stumbled and fumbled through a journey of facing Fear, Falling into Love, and learning to Trust.My SELF. Spirit Mind Body. My LOVES. My WORLD. Home Work Play.
The treatment has been tricky. My Spirit Mind Body have been poked, prodded, stretched, exhausted, flattened. To the brink. Fatigued. Afraid. Fuzzy Brained. In Pain. My Mum held me together through the bumpy ride. Until one day in April I woke up and felt a little clearer. My body started giving me little glimpses of healing. Toenails strengthening. My skin clearing. My hair growing. Fatigue subsiding. Bruises healing. Every hint brought floods of relieved tears. Baby steps.
In May I cheekily popped home to Melbourne for three blissful weeks. Feeling stronger, in the weeks leading up to my next Doctor’s visit, I needed to remind myself of the life I was fighting for. My friends. The city that has become my first real home. As the weeks came to an end I braced my self for the next six months of treatment, and returning to Darwin. I was ready. I was terrified. But I was ready to face whatever was coming next.
I’d do it with a smidgen more Grace (who am I kidding?). I wasn’t prepared.
Two hours into my appointment with Dr Mel, questioned, physically examed, poked, prodded, measured, he said simply the treatment phase is complete. I’m through the worst of it. Officially out of the woods. On the slow road to recovery. Not to mention under Doctor’s strict instructions to to move home to Melbourne’s chilly climate(!).
Head spinning. In shock. I managed a monsoon of tears when breaking the news to my divine brother, who I scared more than anyone with my Autoimmune dramatics. Emotions coursing through me like nothing I’d ever experience. Crying. Laughing. Numbness. Rinse + Repeat. Joy. Gratitude. Sheer Relief. Utter Overwhelm. Disbelief (a part of me just waiting for the penny to drop. It’s just too good to be true!). Guilt (unable to fathom why I’m so lucky!). Sleeping for 15 hours, then days of sleeplessness. Unable to string together a sentence for days. Unable to share my joy with my family + friends. Having run on nothing more than Fear, Love + Adrenalin for as long as I can remember, the relief plunged me into a stupor of bone fatigue. Like a workaholic CEO crumpling when he slams headfirst into his mandatory holiday. Basically I finally fell apart. Messily.
I no longer needed to race the clock. To defend Myself. To Run. Push. To force a huge smile + pretend I’m okay. I was struck by the urgent need to create my Forever Home. To put down roots. Where before I was Living ever so LIGHTLY. So as not to leave a mess. When I was gone. I now have all the time in the World. Wow.
Before I could Celebrate. I needed to catch my Breath.
In classic izzy introvert mode, I hermited away, clearing the decks ~ organising all of my possessions & files, clearing my inbox, labelling, highlighting, colour coding ~ needing time + st(illness) to process. I certainly didn’t expect happy shock to feel this overwhelming!
I have 26 years of damage to undo. I’ll be Gently. Lovingly. Patiently. In(habit)ing St(illness). Rebuild my strength. Dancing. Yogaing. Meditating. Napping. Nourishing. Savouring Deliciousness. Supplementing. Early nights. Physio. Rugging up like an Eskimo. Learning to trust. Receiving Love + Support. Vulnerably. With Grace. For the rest of my life. But I have a life to create now. My future. Thriving Health. A family of my own. Delighting in my World. All of the Dreams I never dared to let myself Dream. I’m in the drivers seat for the first time!
I’m never ever going to take a single drop of this Love for granted ~ I’m going to make the World SO beautiful! I’m Thriving Autoimmune for a reason. It’s a Gift. I’m home in Melbourne. And my new Life is just starting to feel like it might be real. Instead of my most delicious secret Dream. How am I Celebrating? By LivingLIGHTLY. Delighting. Illuminating. Every. Single. Day.
Discovering Clarity. Living LIGHTLY. My Beautiful Business.
Designing. Dreaming. Delighting. Creating LivingLIGHTLY and has been such a Gift. LivingLIGHTLY anchored me while I was at home Healing Autoimmune. Developing these ideas. Exploring Mindfulness • ACT Psychology • Holistic Heath • Design Communication • Buddhism • Micro-Publishing • Business • Creative Commons. I wasn’t strong enough to be working with my gorgeous Luminary clients, I reluctantly released projects as I surrendered to the support & love of my Loves and to the limitations of my Body, and fuzziness of my brain, as I undertook my treatment. I escaped into my imagination.
And I could not have dreamed, that in doing so I would discover My Self. My Sparkle. My Superpowers.
Now I’m emerging from brain fuzz into dazzling light of my New Life, I’m discovering the clarity I’ve dreamed of. I’m di(still)ing my millions of swirling ideas to their essence. I’m seeing perfection where I saw a beautifully chaotic tangle. Where there was overwhelm, I’m surrendering to serenity. Day by day I’m Healing. I’m Thriving. And now I have the strength to build my own Beautiful Business!
In Luxurious Simplicity. I’m Designing my Dreams into Delight. Breathing. Holistic Health + my Beautiful Business. Living LIGHTLY. Illuminating. My SELF. Spirit Mind Body. My LOVES. My WORLD. Home Work Play.
This is what I’ve been searching for. My Self. My Sparkle.
Now with my Design + Holistic Health Superpowers, I’m ready to Illuminate MY WORLD.