I’ve just devoured Laurie Helgoe’s beautiful words Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life Is Your Hidden Strength. I feel my mask Dis(solve)ing. I’m melting into My Self. The secret I’ve hidden. Too precious. Too fragile. Too Vulnerable. To share. With My Self. My Loves. My World. I’ve been so confused. I’ve felt a hyperchiaroscuropic contradiction.
I thought must be an extrovert. I’m Besotted by Life. Smitten by Colour. A little knobbly-kneed package of Compassion. I Love My Loves. Intensely. It must be my Autoimmune. My DisEASE. Forcing me to be Still. To retreat into solitude. Quiet. Reflection. I couldn’t possibly enjoy all the time I spend alone. Pottering. Creating. Designing my Dreams into Delight. So I resented my AI, convinced myself that in the time I needed to nourish & restore myself I was missing out on the Fun. Because being alone is boring right? A cosy Friday night at home ~ a disaster! Craving Intimate Connection & Cafe Conversation with a Luminary Love? Over the chaotic excitement of a party ~ suspect at best. So I wore the sequined mask of an Extrovert.
But the truth? My Guilty Secret? St(illness). I adore it. I in(habit) it. And when I’m unable to retreat. When I push myself too far. Too fast. Too much. When I’m over(whelmed). Too much Noise. Light. Clutter. Chatter. My fragile little BODY. crumbles. My wonder-filled MIND. descends into Tizzy. My SPIRIT. drains. And without my Sparkle, I have nothing to give MY LOVES.
I’m claiming my Introversion. My Hyper-Sensitivity. They are my Superpowers. My Gifts. The source of my Strength. Creativity. My Sparkle. As Laurie writes, I’m learning to Meditate in the Mosh Pit. It’s a deliciously bumpy ride.
Are you an undercover Introvert? What are your Superpowers? Your Gifts?
How do you create & cherish pockets of St(illness)?