So while I’ve been MIA, I’ve been working hard. As it turns out, going from a thinking I was Crazy, to being diagnosed with a treatable illness, releases a not-so-unexpected army of confused Monsters to soothe.
My Monsters were desperately trying to tell me that I needed to Slow Down. They protected me through a lifetime of sickness. They allowed me to look after myself. To keep less-than-competent Doctors at bay. To pretend to my Loves that I was okay. But Listening to my Monsters is tricky. They speak the language of Fear. They manifest as Stress. Habitual Thoughts. Uncomfortable Feelings. And In my case Illness and Pain.
So of course, instead of Listening I either Projected my Fears. Perfecting. Sabotaging. Resisting. Sabotaging. Running. And when that didn’t work I Numbed my Fears. With Busyness. Boys. Work. Food. Information. Shopping. Fun. The more I Projected and Numbed, the louder my Monsters shouted, and the sicker I became.
Autoimmune was my Stop Sign. My disEASE. Six months ago, I finally Stopped and started to Listen. Understandably my Monsters were pretty pissed off. Every Monster-y Muscle was flexed. As I Listened through the layers of Shame. Guilt. Sadness. Frustration. Anger. I discovered the Fear that was beneath it all. The Fear that I was Alone. Every tangled string lead back to this one Fear.
So to Thrive Autoimmune I’m Falling in Love with My Self. My Monsters. My Body. Mind. Spirit. I’m Dissolving Fear. LOVING with my Everything. I need Glittery reminders in every Breath. Because Fear is always there. It will always be there. But I am safe. I am Loved. And in Love. Everything is Interdependent. Smitten. I’m not Alone. There’s nothing to be Afraid Of. And when I remember this, I truly believe Illuminating is (Luxuriously) Simple. So this is my mission:
I staged a Crafternoon, armed with enough Glitter to delight a Pageant. So now I have actual Glittery Reminders. To Breathe.
How do you remember to Breathe? To LiveLIGHTLY?