Building a Lightbox. Accidentally ILLUME~inating.
So I’m working on my book (notso)BusiNESS for Luminaries and finding it very difficult to listen to my own advice. To KISS. Keep it Simple. Sparkle. Not to lose My Self in a Busy Tizzy of izzy. Because I’m so excited to share it. To bring together all of my ideas, and stumbles and fumbles into a beautiful INTERACTIVeBOOK. Just for you. And so I rush rush rush. And findMy Self spinning. Then rush some more. And when I’m about to spin off the face of Earth I remember to Breathe. And in the first few ragged overexcited breaths, with my heart hummingbirding, my brows comically furrowed, my shoulders up around my ears, I remember why I love what I do. Because in writing, designing, glittering, complicating, streamlining, ♥osophising, I’m slowly slowly slowly learning to in(habit) St(illness). For moments at a time I’m Still. And the Tizzies between Breaths are becoming shorter. I’m glimpsing Clarity. Grace. Compassion. For My Self (instead of every other beautiful creature but me). Luxurious Simplicity.
My work IS a glittery reminder to Be. Still. Yet I am so Head-Over-Heels in Love with the Possibility of what-it-could-be, that I sometimes lose my focus, and then I miss it ~ the deliciousness of these moments. In which I’m miraculously and accidentally ILLUMEinating. One of the most exciting parts of this huge project is hurtling headfirst into the world of Photography. And not one to take it slow, or do things in half measures. I built a DIY photography studio in my spare room. A cardboard box, some tissue paper, masking tape and five lamps from the dollar store and an hour with a cutting mat, and the LiveLIGHTLY was in (notso) BusiNESS. I’m SO excited by the quality of the shots I’m able to create with such a simple setup, and even more excited to share them with you.
Now. To Breathe. inhale. St(illness). exhale…
It is a funny thing to admit, particularly when I have written so openly about things that most would deem too personal and embarrassing, that I was carrying a guilty secret. You see I’m a self-taught graphic designer. And until yesterday, I didn’t know one end of my gorgeous Digital SLR from the other. MY LOVES. assumed I knew what I was doing. And I could not Gift My Self the time I needed to Point. Shoot. Fumble. Stumble. The space to Play. I’ve Dreamed of images I could not create. Alchemy. I stayed safely in the realm of Typography and Illustration. Vectors. Maths. Lines. Points. Clean. Simple. Pixels were too messy. Unpredictable.
But when I stepped into My inner Flâneuse. I was free! The afternoon melted in a dreamy haze of building a lightbox, pushing buttons, taking hundreds of photos. And from that I have a few precious shots. That have been out of reach for so long. And looking into the crystalline facets of my accidental bokeh, I feel like a Photographic Glamour! And in discovering my words, I am closer to discovering My Self.
How are you accidentally ILLUMEinating your World?
Listening to my Sparkle. Discovering my Superpowers.
I let my secret out. I’m ILLUMEinating my first Book! So I’ve been a little quiet here, because I’ve been spending every moment Designing my Dreams into Delight. I’m totally absorbed in my notBusiNESS for Luminaries World and I am in Bliss. Hummingbird~ing between Illustrating. Writing. Glittering Typography. ♥osophising. And capturing Luxurious Simplicity in my DIY lightbox photo studio, I feel My Self humming.
My journey has been a little bumpy. I wasn’t sure who I was and why I was here in this maddeningly fragile (yet adorable) body, a tangled effervescent imagination, an exquisitely, excruciatingly compassionate heart, and a spirit clinging idealistically to the world of dreams and Love. I didn’t seem to fit in my world. I wasn’t built to cope with it’s Competitive Rushing. Frenetic Demands. I tried to keep up. And when Autoimmune made me sit still I tried to pretzel my magic into its rules. I pushed and plugged away.
I knew that there was something really special. I could see it out of the corner of my eye. I knew that all of my passions must link together somehow. Design. Sustaining. Communication. Holistic Health. Glitter. That life didn’t need to be so hard. It wasn’t until I began THRIVEing, learning to be Still that I saw it. My Sparkle. My true self. The self that has been here inside me, beneath the Tizzy, desperate to come out and play.
When I started listening with my heart, suddenly everything started clicking into place. Slowly at first. Because listening was tricky. And remembering to listen even trickier. But in each Breath I returned to St(illness). And my Sparkle started to speak a little louder. Until one day, she introduced herself.
I’m a LUMINARY. HyperSensitive Firefly. Introvert Minxie. Smitten Ingenue. My SUPERPOWER? I’m a DESIGNER. Sustainer. ♥osopher. It was as Luxuriously Simple as that.
All of the angst and searching and rushing and pushing. All the fear and uncertainty and frustration. All the Tizzy. My DisEASE. Was my Sparkle. Throwing a tantrum. Because I didn’t realise that these fragile parts of me were my true strength. Because I just wasn’t listening.
But I’m Listening now. And it feels amazing.
Today I entered my business expenses (ooh how grown up!) * Glitter * Feather Wings * Photo Studio Reflector *.
And I realised.
I’m accidentally Designing my Dreams into Delight.
Flâneurie. Playing. Pointing. Shooting. Accidentally Illuminating.
So I discovered my new favourite word. And in yet another serendipitous turn, I discovered it not once but twice in the one afternoon. It has been sitting on the tip of my tongue for months, expanding into itself. Claiming spaciousness in my Mind & Spirit. Tantalising. Teasing. Whispering. Waiting for me to claim My Sparkle. My Introvert Superpower.
What is this most delicious linguistic morsel? Flâneurie. Masculine Flâneur. Feminine Flâneuse (so pretty!). @vandenboomen wrote beautifully of Charles Baudelaire’s interpretation of the Flâneur in Slow Travel:
Slow travelers embrace serendipity, the act (art) of unexpected discovery. Being an active serendipity pursuer means that you are open to find something that you didn’t know you were even looking for. A flâneur is someone who walks the city in order to experience it… cultivate(ing) serendipity.
Moments later I was reading Laurie Helgoe’s Introvert Power, in which she dedicates a chapter to Flâneurie. I’ve been seeking this word because this is how I live. I wander. I potter. I play. I dream. I love to walk. Timelessly. Aimlessly. Absorbed in Colours & Sights & Smells & Sounds. But until now I’ve felt the need to hurry. To Rush. To have somewhere-to-achieve-and-something-to-do in every minute.
And without this precious St(illness). This gentle space. Between Breaths. I was not My Self. So I am a Flâneuse. I’m Breathing. ReDiscovering my Sparkle. Dis(sove)ing Fears.
It is a funny thing to admit, particularly when I have written so openly about things that most would deem too personal and embarrassing, that I was carrying a guilty secret. You see I’m a self-taught graphic designer. And until yesterday, I didn’t know one end of my gorgeous Digital SLR from the other. MY LOVES. assumed I knew what I was doing. And I could not Gift My Self the time I needed to Point. Shoot. Fumble. Stumble. The space to Play. I’ve Dreamed of images I could not create. Alchemy. I stayed safely in the realm of Typography and Illustration. Vectors. Maths. Lines. Points. Clean. Simple. Pixels were too messy. Unpredictable.
But when I stepped into My inner Flâneuse. I was free! The afternoon melted in a dreamy haze of building a lightbox, pushing buttons, taking hundreds of photos. And from that I have a few precious shots. That have been out of reach for so long. And looking into the crystalline facets of my accidental bokeh, I feel like a Photographic Glamour! And in discovering my words, I am closer to discovering My Self.
Are you secret Flâneuse? How do you cultivate Serendipity?
Introvert Power. Dis(solve)ing my Mask. Melting into My Self. TY @laflaneu
I’ve just devoured Laurie Helgoe’s beautiful words Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life Is Your Hidden Strength. I feel my mask Dis(solve)ing. I’m melting into My Self. The secret I’ve hidden. Too precious. Too fragile. Too Vulnerable. To share. With My Self. My Loves. My World. I’ve been so confused. I’ve felt a hyperchiaroscuropic contradiction.
I thought must be an extrovert. I’m Besotted by Life. Smitten by Colour. A little knobbly-kneed package of Compassion. I Love My Loves. Intensely. It must be my Autoimmune. My DisEASE. Forcing me to be Still. To retreat into solitude. Quiet. Reflection. I couldn’t possibly enjoy all the time I spend alone. Pottering. Creating. Designing my Dreams into Delight. So I resented my AI, convinced myself that in the time I needed to nourish & restore myself I was missing out on the Fun. Because being alone is boring right? A cosy Friday night at home ~ a disaster! Craving Intimate Connection & Cafe Conversation with a Luminary Love? Over the chaotic excitement of a party ~ suspect at best. So I wore the sequined mask of an Extrovert.
But the truth? My Guilty Secret? St(illness). I adore it. I in(habit) it. And when I’m unable to retreat. When I push myself too far. Too fast. Too much. When I’m over(whelmed). Too much Noise. Light. Clutter. Chatter. My fragile little BODY. crumbles. My wonder-filled MIND. descends into Tizzy. My SPIRIT. drains. And without my Sparkle, I have nothing to give MY LOVES.
I’m claiming my Introversion. My Hyper-Sensitivity. They are my Superpowers. My Gifts. The source of my Strength. Creativity. My Sparkle. As Laurie writes, I’m learning to Meditate in the Mosh Pit. It’s a deliciously bumpy ride.
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Are you an undercover Introvert? What are your Superpowers? Your Gifts?
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How do you create & cherish pockets of St(illness)?